News/Ankündigungen » mes in Vancouver, where skicross made its Olympi

I told him the Jays were a desperate bunch, which is cheddar cheese to a puppy dog in devil-speak. I gave him my hard sell. Cmon, buddy. Cmon, Sweet Lu. Our All Star-shortstop Jose Reyes, finally healthy, literally leads off the season by taking his first at bat, popping out, then proceeding to walk off the field and on to the disabled list. Maybe hes out for two weeks, maybe four months, maybe hes taking up painting. The team, left with a defence only Abbott and Costello could love, is even more desperate than when it was just known for jettisoning its best young talent for knuckleballers pushing 40 - he stopped me right there. He smiled deep and wide, his horns dewy with anticipation. He was ready to make a deal.Fine, I said. I will bypass my desires for fame or fortune or a game of wall ball with Lloyd Moseby and put my deal making skills to work for our boys in royal blue. So, fellow fan, you are welcome. Allow me to outline the exact details of how this season is going to go down (as hashed out between me and Mr. Three Prong, Son of Perdition).(Disclaimer: if you are planning to use this remarkably accurate information for gambling, I urge you to keep investing that extra money into lotto scratchers, lest we have a Back To The Future situation on our hands. APRIL (14-13 record, .519)The Jays whimper out of the gate, getting crushed on Opening Day, then lose 7 of 10, doing a bang-on impersonation of the mediocre team we thought they were. Thats when the cauldron bubbles and the thick smoke rolls in and the creepy carnival comes to town. What happens specifically? Maybe the entire Red Sox roster contracts syphilis. Maybe Derek Jeter becomes a clubhouse cancer in his final diva-tirade-filled season. Maybe Camden Yards becomes Marlo Stanfield turf. Maybe Tampa Bay management decides the empty cavern they play in would be better monetized by jai alai tournaments. Listen, I dont ask El Diablo how he gets stuff done, I just sit back and enjoy the results which Im assured come with no consequences. MAY (31-26, .544)Little known fact about devil-dealing: May is Buy One, Get One Free Month! Thats across the board, whether youre looking for life extension or to unravel the happiness of a sworn enemy. Why not do both?Truly, Beelzebub has little to do with the Blue Jay surge of May. The team plays a whopping 18 games at home, and with the city still suffering from an endless winter, the Rogers Centre roof is only opened once all month, a paralyzing condition visiting teams cannot physically handle (the technical term is "depression"). (Sidenote: I apologize for not asking The Crimson Sausage, Enemy Of Christ to improve the weather. The Cable Box on Blue Jay Way is the Bikram Yoga studio of stadiums.*) (*Bikram yoga is also known as hot yoga.**) (**Hot yoga is a thing you do when you are a 22-year-old girl or a thing you do when you are trying to impress a 22-year-old girl).JUNE (48-36, .571)Until mid-June, the league hadnt noticed the Jays ascension to the ranks of the privileged, largely because after twenty years spent ignoring someone, it is perfectly understandable that you might mistakenly walk past them in the hall and fail to notice the shotgun they are holding. But the Jays had now arrived, and their demands were going to be met, even if Barb in accounting didnt know their goddamn name. Josh Thole was gonna make sure you remember.We gotta give props to The Author Of All Sin, because he works the impossible this month. Jose Reyes is back in the lineup in time for his birthday (June 11) and his bobblehead day (June 8 for those fair weather fans planning to attend). To think, how many nasty critics said meaningful baseball would never be played in Toronto again in July?JULY (62-48, .564)With just a paltry nine home games on tap, our Blue Man Group must do their damage on the road, visiting Tampa Bay, New York and Boston. In a month-long celebration of Canada Day, our national baseball representatives do just that, proving Canadians to be fearless and capable. (Flipside: After witnessing the condition of our departing players hotel rooms, it is clear we Canucks may lack some respect for the environment. I believe the players call it, "doing it Harper-style").The All-Star break falls in July, an annual tradition typically partaken by Jose Bautista and a middle reliever nobody knew was on the team. 2014 proves to be no different despite being a dozen games over .500 at the break. Respect will have to be earned. FYI, did you wanna know who wins this years All-Star game, giving their respective League home field advantage in the World Series? Answer: NOBODY. Nobody [expletive] wins with a rule that stupid.AUGUST (79-57, .581)On August 11, Colby Rasmus turns 28. That same day, Melky Cabrera turns 30. The Prince Of Darkness promises me these achievements will be met and hes been totally standup so far.Playing every division rival at home this month, The Descendants of Alfredo Griffin enjoy their greatest month this century, forcing Vegas to recognize them as a team and set World Series odds. They are given 60-1 chances, though in metric it works out to a more sensible 18-1.(For those of you uncomfortable with how fashioned this season is by Oh Wicked One, Im not saying you have to worship the Father Of All Lies, Founder Of Murder. Im just saying, if youre a ball fan, you should probably send him a card. Maybe bath salts. Nothing fancy).SEPTEMBER (93-69, .574)A peculiar month of scheduling down the home stretch. Sensibly, the Jays visit every division rivals park. Oddly, they play the Chicago Cubs for an unknown reason my sources tell me may have involved money and bad judgement.2014 ends in a dog fight -- a climax of tension and emotion and games that are still a little too long -- all in the service of the Jays holding on for their first playoff appearance ever (in the lives of the children whose aging fathers drag them to the games). We did it! Were number 4 or 5!And there you have it: 93 wins. 1 wild card spot. 0 logical discrepancies. Is it getting hot in here?Gallays Poll #5Lets say we dont know what we know. With how many wins doth the Blue Jays finish?A) <70 -- I am familiar with the team. The win total will be commensurate with the talent level.B) 70-81 -- I dont pay much attention to the baseballs but have read a few headlines.C) 82-89 -- I rarely hear about the Jays anymore. Is Kelly Gruber still with the team?D) 90+ -- I dont understand how baseball works. Corbin Burnes Brewers Jersey .Brooks, a three-year veteran, was slow to get up after suffering the injury during a 5-yard run by Arian Foster.Brooks limped off the field midway through the quarter and then slowly walked to the locker room a few minutes later. Robin Yount Brewers Jersey . Joel Embiid was nearly unstoppable in the paint in the second half, and Naadir Tharpe seemingly couldnt miss. https://www.cheapbrewers.com/599y-yasmani-grandal-jersey-brewers.html . -- Canadian ski cross star Marielle Thompson accomplished two goals in one race Saturday. Manny Pina Brewers Jersey . The Bulls seem to be getting along fine without him. D.J. Augustin scored 27 points in a start for Kirk Hinrich and Taj Gibson matched a career high with 26 filling in for Carlos Boozer as the Bulls improved to 7-2 since trading the popular Deng with a 98-87 win over the Cleveland Cavaliers on Wednesday night. Keston Hiura Brewers Jersey . Cleveland released the troubled wide receiver on Wednesday, an expected ending after Bess was arrested in January for assaulting a law enforcement officer at an airport and other bizarre behaviour.Chris Del Bosco entered this weeks World Cup skicross competitions in France knowing that a podium appearance would probably lock up a spot on the Canadian team for the Winter Olympics. He won gold Thursday in a weather-hampered event at Val Thorens, but he likely needs to do more to book his ticket to Sochi. The race was halted due to high winds and Del Bosco was given the victory based on his qualification results and win in his first heat. However, hell need to return to the podium Friday to really strengthen his chances for inclusion on the Sochi roster. "I definitely felt like I could have kept going, it was kind of frustrating because you want to win by winning the final but it was out of my control," Del Bosco said in a release. "Theres not really any more I could have done. "It was getting down to crunch time and I knew what I needed to do. I needed to podium. Sochi qualification is kind of a grey area. I dont really know how that works — Im going to just regroup here and get ready to give er again tomorrow." The second of back-to-back World Cup events will be held Friday at the same venue. The Olympic qualification window for skicross closes Sunday, so it will be the last chance for Canadians to qualify for nomination. The qualification process is very complicated and there are several freestyle events on tap this week. The selection committee will analyze all the results and data on Sunday and formally announce their decision the next morning. There are 26 spots available in the five disciplines that fall under the freestyle skiing umbrella —skicross, slopestyle, aerials, moguls and halfpipe — and there can be no more than 14 selections from either gender. The committee will look at results from previous years but performances this season have the biggest impact. For Del Bosco, all he can do is try again Friday and hope for the best. The 2011 world champion and X Games gold medallist has struggled of late and now has loads of pressure on him for the stretch drive. The 31-year-old Montreal resident finished second in the testt event in Sochi last season but his best result prior to this week was a 15th-place finish in Innichen-San Candido, Italy.dddddddddddd His victory Thursday didnt really offer much sway because he only raced one heat. "Chris is probably one of the most interesting and difficult situations," said Canadian Freestyle Ski Association CEO Peter Judge from Park City, Utah. "But certainly hes helping his cause today and hopefully hell get one more good go at it tomorrow and be able to remove all doubt." Sanna Luedi of Switzerland took gold in the womens competition Thursday. Marielle Thompson of Whistler, B.C., was the top Canadian in fourth to retain her hold on the red bib as overall leader. The depth of the national skicross team and the Canadian freestyle team as a whole leaves athletes who are on the bubble in a tough spot. Some very talented competitors arent going to make the cut because Canada is stacked in several events. Del Bosco competed at the 2010 Games in Vancouver, where skicross made its Olympic debut. He made the final heat of four skiers but crashed just before the finish while making a late push to move into a better position. A spokesman for FIS, the sports governing body, said in an email that Del Boscos victory Thursday would be treated just like any other result on the World Cup circuit, regardless of whether the race was cut short due to weather. That gives Del Bosco 100 points and moves him to 11th place in the World Cup standings. Dave Duncan of London, Ont., was seventh. He slipped to second in the mens overall standings, falling behind Andreas Matt of Austria. Tristan Tafel of Canmore, Alta., was 15th on Thursday and Brady Leman of Calgary was 18th. Georgia Simmerling of West Vancouver, B.C., was sixth in the womens event. Kelsey Serwa, the 2011 world champion from Kelowna, B.C., was seventh in the first qualification round but didnt start her heat. Thompson is the only Canadian who has met the qualification criteria for nomination to the Sochi team. Duncan, Leman and Serwa are considered virtual locks for inclusion. ' ' '